| Author: Posted: Sep. 8, 2002 ||This Page Viewed: 18,533,042 |
THat's a rather interesting question...
I suppose there are many things I consider special about myself. One very important thing is that I care for my siblings. OKay, so it's not a kind, mother love. It's more of a tough love, and, to my brother, "Get that crap off the floor, dad already said you had to, you idiot!" kind of love. You see, about 5 years ago, my mother passed on. Since then, I've been forced to care for my siblings best I could, everyday from when school let out til my dad came home. Before I discovered my spitirtual side, this daunting, dare I say, rather traumatising task was driving me insane. I had more than a few breakdowns, and slipped into a depression. After a bit of therapy, I came back with a more positive outlook. And I continue to look after my brother and sister. I suppose that is my other special quality. I've always been able to withstand great amounts of mental pain and problems. From when I was young, and my best friend tried to kill me, to this past Imbolc, when I gave away to my father that my friend was planning to run to Vermont with her 23 year old online boyfriend. These things, and many more, I managed through without many real problems.
Unfortunately, my father really doesn't recognize this. If not for me, and my ability to stand up to terrible mental pain, such as the death of my mother, this family would not be as strong as it is this day. I have sacrificed countless things to make sure my mentally handicapped little sister and my brother were safe, and spent my days groweing fat looking after them. It may seem like just the opinion of a teenager, but I clean for them, and I keep my brother and sister from danger, and I am surely not rewarded for it.
This summer, though, things have changed for the better. Father is getting remarried, to a kind woman, who grew up on an old farm. Now I won't have to play "Mama" anymore, I can concentrate on fun and shedding these extra pounds, and, just perhaps, father will be able to see how special I am in my own way, and what I brought to our family in past years.
I think what Makes Me So Special is that after all the strange, outrageous, quetionable things that I've done I'm still here. There are multiple incidents where if things had been slightly different, I would not be here. For instance a few years ago I was camping in Yellowstone, and I went to sleep, with lots of trees around me, when I woke up the area surronding me was gone, I could see orange flames close by, and that was all I saw for two or three hours until the fire crew came in. I also stole the principals car when I was younger. Once upon a time there were alot of special prople I knew, but in the end most of them betrayed me, which is why I got interested in Paganism in the first place. I think that we all need to find our own niche in hummanity, and perhaps I've found mine. I also think that you have to make up your own mind about what makes you special, and then go after it.
I also hope that what makes you special is not something that you regret doing, as it has been in my case all to often of late.
How am I special? Well I am a firm believer that everything you do affects another. The Goddess shows that a ripple in life does indeed touch people either directly or indirectly. I feel that I am special not because of anything I have done, but because of the lives I have touched. Whether it be a kind word or a helpful gesture, that affect ripples through other people and therefore the "pay it forward" affect undoubtedly carries on. This is what makes me special.
What makes me special? Well, I know my short-comings pretty well, and so I can name the things I like about myself without my head getting inflated. Besides, it's good for us to know what we're good at. Anyway, I like my sarcasm. Okay, so perhaps this mightn't be regarded as a virtue in certain circles, and sometimes it's definately not appreciated. Still, although I'm by far no great literary genius, I do have moments of wit and humour that I thouroughly enjoy.
Well, I do have literary talent, and I like that. I also like how I absorb things like a sponge- I have a fairly good memory. Also, I'm a total "I must save the world, " type person. I believe that everyone should do as much as they possibly can to make the world better. And I'm glad I have an open mind. Some people's minds are very much closed, and they refuse to admit anything (such as, "Wicca isn't evil!") even when faced with hard facts. I mean, wouldn't it be awful to be close-minded? Think about how much we'd miss if we never wanted to learn or accept anything new. Of course, we must do research- can't take everything for what it says. But when we get the facts, it's good to acknowledge them, and some people don't know how to do that. Well, I've chatted about myself long enough. What are you good at?
what makes me special? the biggest one would be i'm still here. medically i was supposed to be dead three years ago, (they can't figure out why i'm still here) and been in enough near-death sitations (non-medical) that i should have ran out of luck a LONG time ago. and i've gotten to the point when someone wants to give me crap for makeing a decision they don't approve of, i will be extremely blunt about telling them about haveing supposed to have died already. i figure if i'm still here, there's a important reason for it, so i'm gonna do what my instincts tell me to, whether they approve of it or not (ussually its not...like staying up all night to negotiate a way out of gang for some 13 year old, even thou i should be passing out from lack of oxygen and pain at the time)
the other special/rare talent...being able to pass the boundary line of society's sects (i get discriminated because of my health, not that i'm out of bounds)... i have gone from a state governing committee in the morning, to university classes, then to work with street kids and gang members and later to being at a rave... i am accepted as belonging in all of it, and respected for it. this has its advantages , although i don't make it a habit of telling the state beaurocrats where i spend the rest of the day...they tend to turn funny colors. :)
I'm one of those "good hearted slobs" that will drop everything (realistically, speaking, that is...) for anyone in my life -- blood relative or not -- unless my help might cause harm (i.e. "enablement). I just like to treat people the way I want to be treated. (Sometimes it backfires -- I'm not always that good hearted, unfortunately...)
I just divorced my husband. He's devastated. But he'll be better off without me. I cannot provide the kind of love and attention that he needs/deserves. I waived my rights to a trial and left him with everything that had monterary worth. (His first wife raped him financially; I "kinda sorta" hoped he would have gotten the message when he saw I was waiving my rights -- unfortunately not...) He's a good man (and drop-dead gorgeous!), and in time he will do well. I will love him in my own way always but I'm not the kind of wife that he needs. I look forward to finding out when he's found a "replacement" for me! I'm very upset to have learned that he's been convinced by my former mother-in-law (amongst others) that I never could have loved him if I divorced him, but I guess ignorance is bliss. Hopefully, one day, he'll stop blaming me for everything that went wrong and realize what I favor I've done for him.
I am going to chicken out and use this a place to honor the people I feel are special in my life. Iam special, yer special it is true. I will say one thing about myself, I do have a six inch long toungue, and can do a great impression of Gene Simmons of Kiss fame. That said=
I want to honor my Father, Nicholas Shevchuk. He was athletic, a talented story teller, and gifted artist. He was gooood lookin', tall, and funny. He was a cancerian with a deep soul. This lifetime was just too much for him. He committed suicide at 28. He was much too young to leave this life. May he walk the Isle of Apples and learn from the ancestors!
Next, my Grandmother Ora Mae, who taught me to wash my face in the morning dew on Mayday, and be careful of the Faeries. She taught me courage and realism. That " You can love a rich man as well as a poor man." and " The Way to mans heart is through his stomach." Well, she never heeded the first bit of advice, and neither did I. She instilled in me a love of the word. I learned to read sitting on her lap, pouring over Dr. Seuss. She made it clear that a woman must have a job, a skill or a trade. That no prince charming will save you, and we had to have an education.Rely on yourself! Proud of her Scottish ancestry, she gave me a sense of roots. Scots Wa Hae!
My Mom, who I honor and respect. I love her more than she knows. She is a talented artist, amazing leader, and administator. She taught me that I should respect all religeons, an seek my own path. That no one owns the patent on spirituality. She was a single mother when being a divorced woman was looked upon by many as being shameful. Even in 1970, she was denied rental of a house becasue she was , (gasp of horror) a DIVORCED WOMAN!!!!! She worked fulltime as a nurse for 30 years, and retired last year. She can sing like Doris Day, dance better that Ginger Rogers, and is a beautiful Leo woman. I know that her secret dream was to be a singer on broadway, but she didn't pursue it. I know she gave up her dreams, but only she knows why. My mom gave me her love of animals and nature. Culinary skills, artistic gifts. Also a passionate longing for peace in the world. She is special to me, and in her work as a nurse she has been special to many, many people.
My Grandfather who was the father i didnt have. He was my mountain, the rock. He was my wooden sword maker, my number one supporter. I owe him my German food tastes(ahhhh sausages and kraut....) and love of power tools. He allowed me to tag along when he went to the hardware store, or help in the shop. A man without much patience for anything, he had patience for me. He never told me I couldn't be strong, or that i couldn't because I was a girl. Of all my immediate ancestors it Orville Wise my grandpa, who comes to me in dreams.
The last "father" i want to thank, is Robert Arthur. My best friends father. He was the man who taught me about Mozart, the classics and art. He opened my mind to fine culture and philosphy. He was the role model of who I could strive to be. He was a gourmet cook, hunter, artist, doctor and author. He served in World War 2, as a medic and knew the heart of suffering. Cynical to a fault. He spoke several languages, had strong opinions on everything. His influence on me was strong, and his belief in me as an artist has helped me to stay on my path. It is this man who taught me that you have to follow you talents and dreams. To rise above what the masses think, and live!
All these folk are special to me. So are many many others, but these are the ones I wanted especially to write about.
In frith, heidi the smith
I am a child born of the goddess. I am a writer. I am a woman . A wintery being made of air and water but has a heart of gold. I am caring. I am an artist. I am bisexual. I am open, honest, and free. I am special because I am me.
There are several things that make me special - actually it is the unique combination of these things in one person that I think truly makes me special. I am increadably adaptive; I can adapt to new situations and new people very easily. I'm also very kind hearted, which is a good way to be. I am both a procrastinator and a perfectionist. I can creat systems of organization that are both beautiful to behold and so over detailed it won't be of much practical value. Don't ever let me set up your file system for you, it will be VERY organized and way too complicated. I am both increadibly strong, as any one who survives childhood abuse has to be; and able to admit my weaknesses and ask for help (though that has come to me only recently). I want to be a farmer but I also want to be a princess, which I think is a pretty rare combination. And I'm special because I can arch my right eyebrow really high and look all dramatic. ;)
Wow this really is a tough question, mainly because there just isn't any simple answer. I think that we all are special in our own way. I know corny corny corny, but it just happens to be true. But that isn't really the question is it? The real question is what makes me special. I am special becuase I have alot of patience. Some times I think that I have too much patience and can't give the toughness that some people need to get off their tushs.
I also think I am special becuase I hold no grudges, yah really. Just recently this guy that I sold my car to forgot to take my tag off. And got himself a ticket, well they sent me the notice. I didn't blink twice, just wrote them back telling them that I sold the car. I wasn't pissed at him or nothing. I just knew that he would get his. And he has been, everything that can go wrong on his 16 wheeler that he survives off of has. But I am just getting like that, guess I am maturing. lol
I don't know if any one really notices what is special about me. I know my hubby does, for he can't get over it sometimes. But as for close friends and relatives, nah I don't think so. I have had to cover my patience up quite a bit, becuase I found that people would walk over me. So no I don't the general public knows I am special, and what for.
Hmm, I really don't think of myself as "special, " so I'll go off of other people's comments.
I have very few true friends, and many acquaintances. These treasured few have touched my life in some way. We've helped each other through hard times, sat beside each other through the good. My heartbrother Joe has helped me greatly, and I have to him as well. My heartsister Jenny, who bringing a new child into this world very soon (probably even now), still hangs in there for me, and I'm with her. She thinks I'm kind of crazy because of my music and my clothes, but we don't let that get in our way.
My bloodsister Julie has helped me through lots of very hard times, and though she may not agree with my path, she heartily encourages me to pratice, to walk in balance, to be happy.
Friend Sannion has helped me write my articles on my webpage, he's given me great counseling.
Erika is a sister Wiccan in my area, where true Pagans are rare.
I've helped Lisachan in Lake Zurich to live better, as she's had especially rocky events in her troubled, little life at such a young age. Erika, Joe and I plan to visit her this summer.
The only way one can truly tell how special someone is is by the lives they've touched and changed. Now for my moment of ego: I take pride in being unbound, with a wild free spirit, and how I'm determined never to lose the child with in.
I am special because I am different. I change my mind all the time. I make people laugh over nothing. I laugh over nothing. I am complex and simple at the same time. I am loved.
I am special because I am not everyone else. I am not better than anyone else, or more sspecial than them... but I am special. Ic an offer a friendship, that no one else can offer you. A fresh perspective. A good laugh. A smile, a tear... a cat fight.
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